After the fundraiser I made early this year for my HRT, I promised my Twitter followers that I wouldn’t make a crowdfunding campaign again.

Now, I recently discovered that I can’t actually breathe due to my nose being broken and misshapen enough that air isn’t actually going into my lungs, not unless I hold it up with my fingers or medical tape (see update 1) — as I’m doing right now. Being able to breathe right for the first time in years is helping reduce some of the pain I suffer in my back and joints, some of the allergy-like symptoms I’ve been dealing with, and might help me improve my health in the long run, i.e. allow me to exercise properly, and finally be able to get back to work.

I’ve decided to raise the money for nose surgery on my own, by doing pixel art commission work and selling my music, but it might take me months to raise my goal of 2500–3000usd— of which I already have ~1000usd. Some people still want me to consider doing a crowdfunding campaign, but I want to know my followers will be OK with this. I don’t wanna lose the trust of my supporters by breaking a promise, but I feel this is worth the attempt of doing a campaign.

I decided to make a poll to gauge the opinions of my supporters. If I get enough votes supporting the making of a fundraiser, I’ll do it, even if that means risking my reputation again. If instead most people are against me doing the campaign, then I won’t do it, and I’ll just find different way to raise that money. I haven’t decided on either a time or vote limit yet. I could end it before August 31, or before 1000 votes. UPDATE: I’ve decided to run the poll until 100 votes are counted, since that’s three times how many people donated to my original Indiegogo. I’ll depend on how it goes.

So that’s it. Please let me know by voting here. Thanks!

UPDATE 1: Trying to hold my nose up with tape only did more damage. Pain has gotten worse, so I won’t touch my nose again for a while.

On another note, for those of you who will vote no, please let me know on Twitter why you’re against it. Thanks!

This is a TL;DR of the time I was shot in 2014, because people keep asking me about it. I’ll be as concise as possible. Let’s go:

1. I was shot by thugs in the legs in my old neighborhood. Four wounds cuz of the bullet bouncing against pavement.
   
2. I had to run to save my life.
3. A military guy took me in his car to the hospital.
4. Spent a whole day there. They barely took care of the wounds. Gave me pain meds only once.
5. Had to leave my neighborhood since the thugs never left— they actually took the town over.
   
6. Lost a lot of money in meds, medical bills, and so on.
7. Spent a month in bed, unable to walk.
8. Had to learn to walk again.
9. The bullet spent months lodged in my leg, until it came out on its own.
10. Now I’m pretty much okay except four scars in my legs.

BONUS TRACKS

1. I didn’t have any adrenaline to help me. Felt the complete extent of the pain of getting shot by a bullet.
2. I actually lost sight for minutes, probably from the pain/shock.
3. I still have the bullet. I keep it in the pocket of my make up bag.

riverface:

mjanetmars:

Since some people have been asking about WTF happened, this is the damn story. It’s all a misunderstanding, but this bullshit is tarnishing my reputation, and I believe this is unfair and uncalled for, and needs a retort.

(If you have no interest in reading about this, or don’t know anything about it, feel free to skip.)

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Janet, this is the only time I’ll try to help you.

This is the only time I’ll mention this debacle.

This is the only time I’ll speak to you again if you keep this up, in fact.

You are not being mistreated if someone refuses to fund your thing or promote it.

A policy that margaret (And myself) hold: I will RT or not RT anything for any reason I want.

To attempt to coerce people using suicide and dysphoria is the lowest of the low.

It is bad-people stuff. It shows that you are not the friend of the person you’re trying to convince, but rather that you’re using them.

I’m trying to be concise and kind while I write this, but it’s very hard in the face of what you’re posting about someone who has just asserted their own boundaries. Nobody owes you money.

If you look up “Margaret Gel” on google, this is on the first page.

Your shameful display of desperation and cowardice is specifically being shown to people looking margaret up on google.

You are doing exactly what #gamergate is going against. Shitty, sensationalist slander that manipulates the reader into thinking that someone you don’t like is a bad person.

You have said “I need this” and “I’m suicidal” when one of my best fucking friends tried to commit suicide in my bathroom AFTER his transition. SILENTLY. He didn’t say a word. He tried to commit suicide because his parents were so goddamn fickle that they disowned him until his sister got knocked up.

Now he’s dead. Nobody said how he died, so I’m afraid he tried to kill himself again. He never talked to anyone about it. He never sought help for it.

I don’t care how much you “Need” this. Show some fucking spine. Show some decency. You don’t deserve that money if you grovel and cheat and coerce to get it.

What you need is a psychiatrist, and that’s not a jab at your trans status. That’s me being 100% fucking serious.

Go get help, and not from us.

Your Acquaintance,

RiverFace.

Janet, [hyper-dramatic words].

1. Wow, so maudlin. I get it— you’re trying to defend the honour of someone you like. Commendable, even. But, sorry mate, I’m keeping this up, because it’s my account of the things that happened to me that day. I have a public career too, and it’s my right to defend myself against baseless accusations of being a con artist. If Margaret can prove otherwise, that she didn’t do the things she did, please, I wanna see that post and refute it, but it needs to be backed by evidence, not hearsay.

You are not being mistreated if someone refuses to fund your thing or promote it.

That’s not the point. Margaret could have refused to have promoted the thing. I would have been OK with that, since my campaign was only made with my followers in mind. I didn’t even contact her, mate; a friend did. SHE decided to screencap my campaign and mock it, and unfairly frame it as dishonest, in her feed. That’s a public attack on my person. I only defended myself against the mob of people attacking me and comparing me to actual con artists like Devi Ever and such, which again, HAS NEVER BEEN PROVED.

A policy that margaret (And myself) hold: I will RT or not RT anything for any reason I want.

That’s commendable too, but it has nothing to do with the actual story. A friend sent Margaret my Indiegogo campaign. She could have just refused, that’s cool. I refuse supporting a lot of things too. BUT SHE MOCKED THE FUCKING THING ON HER PUBLIC TWITTER FEED FOR ALL HER FOLLOWERS TO SEE. I lost followers, support, from people I did like a lot, because they believed her when she said I was trying to lie and take money off from people. Well, DID IT? CAN ANY OF YOU ACTUALLY PROVE IT, OR YOU’RE JUST BANDWAGON JUMPING INTO DEFENDING A STORY JUST CUZ YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO TOLD IT?

To attempt to coerce people using suicide and dysphoria is the lowest of the low.

Sorry mate. Ask anyone of the people who actually were there for months about my mental state re being transgender. I WAS suicidal, and I WAS depressed and dysphoric for months before EVEN making the campaign, and I only got better THANKS to that campaign funds, since I didn’t have any money to start paying for it HRT meds or anything. You can just not believe, or go ask anyone who followed me since September onwards, from GG or otherwise.

I was actually very fucking suicidal those days, and making the campaign was my last attempt at stopping all that crap. I know I lashed out, and I know I acted like a melodramatic cunt, but that was because I felt ashamed— both of being so worthless then, and ashamed of having done a fucking Indiegogo in the first place. It was actually my friends’ idea, not even mine. And yeah, I sperged out, but I was in a shittier place then. Still, that doesn’t make Margaret the good person here. She still led a mob against me just for trying to ask for help.

It is bad-people stuff. It shows that you are not the friend of the person you’re trying to convince, but rather that you’re using them.

Evidence that I was coning or using anyone? Honestly, if you’re gonna accuse me of anything, I’d be fucking nice that you came with some amount of facts for your story, instead of a maudlin “stop talking shit about my friend” Tumblr post WITH NOT EVEN A FUCKING LINK OR ARCHIVE.

Nobody owes you money.

Yes. I didn’t force anyone to do anything. If you can prove otherwise, please show it. Go search my Twitter profile with the indiegogo link, and SEE if there’s any fucking tweet that is made in coercion. Can you?

If you look up “Margaret Gel” on google, this is on the first page.

Good. Fuck Margaret Gel.

Your shameful display of desperation and cowardice is specifically being shown to people looking margaret up on google.

I just defended my case, mate. I had a serious accusation on my head, I just recounted the facts, with links to archives, as you should. Do YOU have any links, dude?

You are doing exactly what #gamergate is going against. Shitty, sensationalist slander that manipulates the reader into thinking that someone you don’t like is a bad person.

You’re trying to perpetuate a false accusation against me without even one shred of evidence, just because I might have hurt your friends’ feelings. BUT I AM THE ONE BEHAVING LIKE ANTI-GG.

In any case, I’m not in GG— never was— so who gives a shit.

Your story about your friend.

Honestly. Sorry about that, dude. I won’t even snark about this shit, cuz seriously, suicide is a very fucking painful thing, man. It sucks when you lose a friend to that.

Look, I know I shouldn’t have been sperging out on Twitter whenever I was depressed. I was in a low point of my life, dude. I was like a fucking toddler wanting attention and a hug, because my life was in the gutter and I hated myself. But I tried to make it better. I raised the money on the Indiegogo, starting paying my meds, moved to a new place. I’m trying to make my life better. I’ve still have kept huge chunks of that Indiegogo money in my savings, because I don’t wanna waste it away, because it’s not just money— it’s help that came from kind people. I’m so fucking thankful of having done that, dude, you can’t even imagine it, even if even months from then I still get people like you accusing me of shit I never did with no evidence.

Now, I’m mostly paying my meds thru my actual work and music sales, cuz that’s what I said I’d do when I got better. You can see my blog archives, all the commissions I have made. If you want a revenue story of my music sales from the last four months, I can give them to you too.

That’s my story.

I don’t care how much you “Need” this. Show some fucking spine. Show some decency. You don’t deserve that money if you grovel and cheat and coerce to get it.

I didn’t coerce anyone to get anything. If anyone FEELS that they were coerced to donate to my campaign, I have enough money from my actual job to pay them back, IF they donated. Otherwise, sorry, repeating accusations is not proving anything but that you want Margaret Gel to be oh so fucking innocent. But she isn’t.

What you need is a psychiatrist, and that’s not a jab at your trans status. That’s me being 100% fucking serious.

Nah, I’m cool now. I think Margaret should get a psychiatrist, since she pretty much behaves like an SJW, shaming people and sending mobs from her followers to attack anyone she doesn’t like. Now that’s fucking serious.

Go get help, and not from us.

I already got help. I don’t need you— matter of factly, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU ANYWAY?

Every once in a while, I play a game on Steam and livetweet my reactions to the game, with my Twitter friends adding commentary, snark and insight. The second episode of the series was me playing the tediously broken Tale of Tales shitshow Sunset. These are the tweets.

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